The incredible kindness that has flowed from the hearts of so many has me in tears (as if I need to cry more).
I sit here with Klaus – talking like a chatterbox and stroking his hair – and I cry. A lot. Despite the best care and the very best healing vibes, it seems that his body may just be too weak. I’m still looking around for my miracle – for the coolest, handsome-est Dale daddy around.
Yesterday in the midst of one of my many rambling soliloquies, I think I mentioned kissing Klaus. There is far more meaning to that story than I was able to communicate at the time. Because Klaus is so heavily medicated and sedated, he responds rarely. He is on a ventilator, and has a large tube down his throat (amongst a zillion other things). In the midst of my chatter I said to him that one thing I really miss with him being in the hospital is when he kisses me, and that I cannot wait for him to get well so that I can get a big kiss. Just as I said that, his lips slightly puckered. So I bent down and kissed him – and he kissed back. It wasn’t much, but it meant the absolute world to me.
Bogart is very, very confused. Klaus and I have always raised Bogart as our fuzzy child, and for the last few years Klaus spent every single day with him. There is a ritual – the two of them walk me to the bus stop in the morning, they have a long afternoon walk together in the forest, and then they pick me up at the bus stop in the evening. Everywhere that we can go that Bogart can come along, Bogart comes along. Right now Bogart gets to walk with me twice a day during the short times that I leave the hospital. Yes he’s thrilled to see me, but he is always looking for Klaus to walk in after me. Last night after our walk I kissed him and explained that I had to go back to the hospital to see dad. He stood still as I explained, and then I walked out. I looked back to see a giant fuzzy Dale head in the window – watching. This wouldn’t be remarkable except for the fact that Bogart NEVER looks out the front window. And this morning as I arrived, there was that fuzzy head staring just as I pulled up in the Bogcedes.
“Thank you” does not nearly come close to expressing how incredibly warm and loved that we all feel – Bogart, Klaus and I. In a sea full of very bad things, each and every one of you has been a fine oasis in which to spend a little time and think of very good things.
Love,
Lulu
